I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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