This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize