i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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