no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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