it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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