it was like eating out sand paper
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have so much sex to catch up on
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize