what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize