never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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