I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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