I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's work?
Spinning.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Two words: nipple clamps
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