So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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