Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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