Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
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They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
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We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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