THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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