my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize