you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize