I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
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She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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