I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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