I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
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i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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