yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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