i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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