my phone needs a breathalizer
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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