Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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