Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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