Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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