There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
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