yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i believe in u and ur pee
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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