I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
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gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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