yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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