Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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