Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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