i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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