so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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