I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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