marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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