Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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