My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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