Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
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She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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