I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I've blown a few things in my day
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize