god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I need to calm my uterus...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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