I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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