My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
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Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
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Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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