I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
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He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
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Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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