I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize