I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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