my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
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Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
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No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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