If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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