I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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