So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
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I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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