shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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